My Last Message

I miss you
But I know you dont
I want to kiss you
But I know you wont
Now estranged by the sight

I sat below the moon
All I could think was you
How you make me swoon
In everything that you do
I am blinded in your love

Several nights have passed
More tears have been shed
Hearts have been crushed
Breathless nights on our bed
Memories as we call them

And now in different paths
I only wish unending happiness
But does it cross your mind
Of what once was an us
Below these shining stars

Why can’t you leave once its broken?

Sadly, I have been asked the question a hundred dozen times already. And for most of you that’s experiencing this, I understand perfectly.

Especially if this relationship has lasted for so long and you have invested a lot on this, it makes the situation worse. But we ask ourselves, over and over again, why do we stay? Why do we stay even though we deserve so much better than this? Why do we constantly put ourselves in a situation where we hurt ourselves even more? Why can’t I just give up since we are beyond repair?

  1. We don’t have the control to love and unlove a person. It just happens out of nowhere. And despite how much we know how wrong it already is or how toxic the relationship is, we push through it because we love that person. We turn a blind eye on every ugly truth about the person. And we both know that this hard to resist especially if you fell for the most amazing person in the world.
  2. Being alone scares us. Despite having to know that its possible for us to find someone again, we don’t know the accuracy of this. We will ponder when the day will come again when we find someone special. That special someone that makes everything better again and gets you instantly. That special someone to hold  so dear again and also have the same loving eyes we give them.
  3.  The unknown scares us. When you have invested in a relationship for so long, there will be times where we feel as if he/she is the only person you need. You get sucked up in this life with this partner that after moving on, we don’t know what to do. The unsettling feeling of not knowing what to do next is horrible because we already envisioned having a life with this person and now that he/she is gone, what now?
  4. We hope that we can still fix it. We have those weak moments and we still obviously still adore them. We don’t want to end it there so you wont accept it. You try to do your best and resolve the issue and hope that he cooperates.
  5. We don’t want to be in the process of moving on. It sucks. Its going to suck because we will have hours and hours of wallowing into our sorrows and eat tons of junk food to heal our wounds. But we all know how to move on and the only cure is time. Time heals all wounds but the process of being in pain is dreadful.

But despite having said that, its only going to get worse. Once you realized that you and your partner are already broken and unfixable, it will inevitably happen. The pain and anguish will creep up to you and evolve into emptiness. And you will probably be happy for a little while but you will cry and still be unhappy no matter how much you love him/her.

But the worst thing that you can do to yourself is prolong the pain and emptiness from this broken relationship. It’s being stuck and not being able to move forward. And although you may find a bit more happiness being with that partner, you are just lying to yourself that you will be able to move forward. It’s beyond repair and you know it.

There is strength in walking away. There is strength in saying its over. We should not be afraid of moving forward because its the only thing that’s going to help us. And we definitely should not be afraid of accepting that its meant to be.

 

Earthquake

To the man that I love and hate, you are truly amazing.

 

I could give a thousand reasons why
That those sun eyes like yours can lie
But no soul, nor living can attest
To bridge a bond with a mess
That was foregone in this lilac skies
That I will breathe your every word
Grabbed by vines of your heavenly sighs

But we were walking in broken shattered glass
And stones fell into our chest in such a mass
No heavier burden can engulf a loving soul
To know of such deceit that could take a tole
We were an earthqake on top of our insanity
In break of a water filled clarity

I was a hurricane, no longer existing
Until you thrilled a deeper side, illuminating
Breathing me in your touch of angelic grace
I was stuck in this colourful maze
I screamed in awe, pushing in a storm
We were an earthquake in this firestorm

We sat alone, opposite sides of the rain
Every drop traced our face in vain
I am shook back and forth and the hale
It broke our bones facing this trail
We are one stone breaking and clashing
But no use in crying near a sun shining.

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