You

Lies, I hear lies after lies
Spoken of scorn yet not spoken to
Looking beyond the misty window
Yet the mist covers more so
It surrounds me and you don’t know

It whispers of the lonely nights
It wraps my body into its embrace
Setting me perfectly in place
As the rolling pendulum ticks
It speaks and long ignites

It is a stranger yet familiar
So I push it off before its bigger
I sit a top on this red bed
Admiring the time instead
Its 2:51, the clock fails me so

Yet what is new for me?
I quiver in this company
I fear as though it never leave
But an all too familiar feeling grew
It left when all I saw was you

Phoenix

How do you rip a soul in and empty shell?

How could a heart foregone such a  fiery hell?

Funny how life goes on in this pale sphere

And how our eyes turn from red to ashes

I tumbled and flew more in pain

Knowing everything you do was more in vain

Can we break our empty shells and scream

Clueless and colorful lies as it may seem

I was a soaring phoenix full of spirit

And you were the air beneath my wings

But the pouring rain failed us innate

No matter how strong the storm brings

We know very well how this ends

But fear not, for a tropical faith sends

A sun of hope and warmth to lean unto

Where ashes spark a blue flame undying

To a widespread mile of new beginning

 

Noise

I hear noise in a place full of zipped lips
In a pavement that stretches to eternity
I hear depths of uncertainty
Deafening hatred towards self
While I shut and bind
The fiery burn of my wounds rips
I feels as though they embellish my skin
In a beautiful reddish hue in sin
Funny as it may how these noise sound
A mirror pushed to shattered glass
Forming into a speechless enemy
Wrapping around your body sincerely
Kissing your lips, caressing embellishment
Embracing this soulful energy
Whilst you whisper false pretense
Eyes closed, silent and breathless
Its a game of the speechless and helpless
Versus the loud and overtaking mind

Autumn

Far of miles against the clear waters
The soft breeze of Autumn hitches
A reminder of memories that is hers
Stories written in the wind
Untold and felt but still blind

I ruffled my scarf and breathe a sigh
Autumn hues that filled your light
No being can stand that sight
I remember it well so far, so gone
How I would shoot stars at dawn

Dawn breaks and you were there
At countless nights of torture
You set foot unto my being
Etched a mark unto my skin and chest
And felt the depths of your breathe

Although you lit up with your smile
I could not feel you within the mile
The warmth entangled against my skin
My soul is untouched while I lift that chin
While I graze upon the lips of Autumn

But I know you felt this too
While my eyes can see the stars from you
The heat strips off in this Autumn’s trees
Begonias crowned on your pretty little head
Sheds off as I place it whilst on your knees

Its too addictive to feel your taste
But both of us walked off unfazed
But still I looked over my shoulders
And casts a smile as she drifts off
Lurking forward until Winter comes

 

Speechless

I am out of breath
Out of wishful thinking
Out of tears to shed
No more words unsaid

I was at the dawn of breaking
But I kept quiet and locked
The cold water had me sinking
Yet no saviour while I begged

But at the back of my mind
I can give a thousand reasons
For all the unforgiving seasons
A love undconditional and blind

Screaming, begging, and crying
Hoping I was enough undying
I swear every word I said
I ment and my love is still undead

I wanted to be her
The girl you dreamed of having
I know I cant no longer bear
I wasnt enough for you to be saving

Yet I am speechless
How easy it is to release
A love that consumes you once
For a forbidden bound of us

My Last Message

I miss you
But I know you dont
I want to kiss you
But I know you wont
Now estranged by the sight

I sat below the moon
All I could think was you
How you make me swoon
In everything that you do
I am blinded in your love

Several nights have passed
More tears have been shed
Hearts have been crushed
Breathless nights on our bed
Memories as we call them

And now in different paths
I only wish unending happiness
But does it cross your mind
Of what once was an us
Below these shining stars

Why can’t you leave once its broken?

Sadly, I have been asked the question a hundred dozen times already. And for most of you that’s experiencing this, I understand perfectly.

Especially if this relationship has lasted for so long and you have invested a lot on this, it makes the situation worse. But we ask ourselves, over and over again, why do we stay? Why do we stay even though we deserve so much better than this? Why do we constantly put ourselves in a situation where we hurt ourselves even more? Why can’t I just give up since we are beyond repair?

  1. We don’t have the control to love and unlove a person. It just happens out of nowhere. And despite how much we know how wrong it already is or how toxic the relationship is, we push through it because we love that person. We turn a blind eye on every ugly truth about the person. And we both know that this hard to resist especially if you fell for the most amazing person in the world.
  2. Being alone scares us. Despite having to know that its possible for us to find someone again, we don’t know the accuracy of this. We will ponder when the day will come again when we find someone special. That special someone that makes everything better again and gets you instantly. That special someone to hold  so dear again and also have the same loving eyes we give them.
  3.  The unknown scares us. When you have invested in a relationship for so long, there will be times where we feel as if he/she is the only person you need. You get sucked up in this life with this partner that after moving on, we don’t know what to do. The unsettling feeling of not knowing what to do next is horrible because we already envisioned having a life with this person and now that he/she is gone, what now?
  4. We hope that we can still fix it. We have those weak moments and we still obviously still adore them. We don’t want to end it there so you wont accept it. You try to do your best and resolve the issue and hope that he cooperates.
  5. We don’t want to be in the process of moving on. It sucks. Its going to suck because we will have hours and hours of wallowing into our sorrows and eat tons of junk food to heal our wounds. But we all know how to move on and the only cure is time. Time heals all wounds but the process of being in pain is dreadful.

But despite having said that, its only going to get worse. Once you realized that you and your partner are already broken and unfixable, it will inevitably happen. The pain and anguish will creep up to you and evolve into emptiness. And you will probably be happy for a little while but you will cry and still be unhappy no matter how much you love him/her.

But the worst thing that you can do to yourself is prolong the pain and emptiness from this broken relationship. It’s being stuck and not being able to move forward. And although you may find a bit more happiness being with that partner, you are just lying to yourself that you will be able to move forward. It’s beyond repair and you know it.

There is strength in walking away. There is strength in saying its over. We should not be afraid of moving forward because its the only thing that’s going to help us. And we definitely should not be afraid of accepting that its meant to be.