Why can’t you leave once its broken?

Sadly, I have been asked the question a hundred dozen times already. And for most of you that’s experiencing this, I understand perfectly.

Especially if this relationship has lasted for so long and you have invested a lot on this, it makes the situation worse. But we ask ourselves, over and over again, why do we stay? Why do we stay even though we deserve so much better than this? Why do we constantly put ourselves in a situation where we hurt ourselves even more? Why can’t I just give up since we are beyond repair?

  1. We don’t have the control to love and unlove a person. It just happens out of nowhere. And despite how much we know how wrong it already is or how toxic the relationship is, we push through it because we love that person. We turn a blind eye on every ugly truth about the person. And we both know that this hard to resist especially if you fell for the most amazing person in the world.
  2. Being alone scares us. Despite having to know that its possible for us to find someone again, we don’t know the accuracy of this. We will ponder when the day will come again when we find someone special. That special someone that makes everything better again and gets you instantly. That special someone to hold  so dear again and also have the same loving eyes we give them.
  3.  The unknown scares us. When you have invested in a relationship for so long, there will be times where we feel as if he/she is the only person you need. You get sucked up in this life with this partner that after moving on, we don’t know what to do. The unsettling feeling of not knowing what to do next is horrible because we already envisioned having a life with this person and now that he/she is gone, what now?
  4. We hope that we can still fix it. We have those weak moments and we still obviously still adore them. We don’t want to end it there so you wont accept it. You try to do your best and resolve the issue and hope that he cooperates.
  5. We don’t want to be in the process of moving on. It sucks. Its going to suck because we will have hours and hours of wallowing into our sorrows and eat tons of junk food to heal our wounds. But we all know how to move on and the only cure is time. Time heals all wounds but the process of being in pain is dreadful.

But despite having said that, its only going to get worse. Once you realized that you and your partner are already broken and unfixable, it will inevitably happen. The pain and anguish will creep up to you and evolve into emptiness. And you will probably be happy for a little while but you will cry and still be unhappy no matter how much you love him/her.

But the worst thing that you can do to yourself is prolong the pain and emptiness from this broken relationship. It’s being stuck and not being able to move forward. And although you may find a bit more happiness being with that partner, you are just lying to yourself that you will be able to move forward. It’s beyond repair and you know it.

There is strength in walking away. There is strength in saying its over. We should not be afraid of moving forward because its the only thing that’s going to help us. And we definitely should not be afraid of accepting that its meant to be.

 

I Woke Up yet I am Dead

Though it seems like days and years before I woke up on a morning slumber. It feels like an eternity that one step can lead you to nowhere. Nowhere but the busiest streets, the bustling city, the numerous flashing automobiles that past and the endless chatter and pit pat of a man cruising through the night as they go home for work, party at their friends house, go to the club, take care of their children and do restless things with other people.

I woke up yet and yet I feel the fall. I woke up yet I saw empty eyes lurking for some change. I woke up yet there is a bask of empty expressions. I woke up yet I am dead.

Following this maze of a path that seems so unclear. I feel as though no lightning can hurt me nor the strike of a billion knives that rain on my parade. I feel as though hurricane can’t stop me now for every step I take. For why can I?

I am awake yet I am dead.

I threw myself up in this bustling city to get up and see that a normal day can blink into a useless day. It seems as though my wanderlust have forsaken me and my entire conclusion of this life has ended. I can no longer see. I can no longer feel. I can no longer hold what was…

Well..

What once was mine.

I woke up yet I am dead because there is no more you.

No more you to bring colors and hit me with your playful antics. No more precious antics. No more precious moments that felt like a billion years ago because it felt like my soul left with you. No more teasing and annoying outbursts that seems to spin off at our living room. No more God – given smile to wake me up in the morning as if the world wanted to embrace you with the most beautiful sunshine.

No more.

You are merely a dust in the wind and the soil to the ground now. How we wander through our lives like a glorious symphony was absolutely amazing. And how we stage our lives was like a beautiful movie with our first and last kiss as a symbol of our lives. It was never any less than perfect. And you were any less than perfect.

Thought of the Day: I finished college, what now?

Stereotypical blog post as it seems, it can still relate to many millennials today. The thing with our generation today is most of us try to pursue our passion which is full of hope and dreams. You can either be a doctor, not just because you know that mommy and daddy told you to become one, but you believe in the value of becoming a savior of humanity and be able to do what you can in this life. Or a merely a ballerina in which you resonate the audience with your performance and be left in awe on how beautiful this artistry is.

Decisions. Something that we have to go to everyday. By just merely choosing the other brand of milk than your regular brand or deciding your child’s future school. What many do not say about making decisions is the process of it.

For most of us, we have been undoubtedly go through the same process of which we are all familiar with which is scrolling through Jobstreet and be able to apply for the job that suits your profession or your interest. For some, they take a wild vacation. They have, after all, have been studying half of their life and wish to go on adventure and truly find themselves in the process.

Yet none of us really know what we are stepping to. There are the lucky ones who enable themselves and pursue the dreams they wish and attend to the goals they have in their head. And there are others, who glorify in their soul searching and find the beauty of reinventing themselves for a better future, no matter how much or how long it takes, they wish to understand what is foremost essential to acquiring a desired life and profession. And for some, they believe in the laid back life in which they will eventually find themselves rolling through and goes with the flow of life. But then again, we question ourselves. We question if this is the path that we wish to take. We question if this is the path that would best suit our needs. We question if this path is practical. We question if this passion can progress into something beautiful.

And my dear friends, I understand. I understand that undoubtedly we are terrified of what we are choosing and we are terrified of the opportunities that we are missing. It is an unending cycle of discontent, exploration, or indecisiveness.

But then again, we are young. Our lives doesn’t have to be defined on the decisions we make today and the decisions we make tomorrow. And many of you might have every possibility to have more responsibilities than others (i.e. a child, a family to feed, etc.) but don’t ever stop there:

(1)Let us take risks because there is nothing more exciting than to find yourself in a place totally different from yours or a place that blows your mind. Don’t just do what your parents believe is good for your future, do something that also ignites your soul and passion.

(2) Then if you do not know what you are suppose to do yet, that’s fine. God’s timing is perfect and wait for the opening that he has given you. Again, you are young not many know what they are supposed to do or destined for.

(3) And if you do know what you are supposed to do, strive and don’t give up. Always put yourself into a group or an aura of positivism. Push your mentality to strive and do more for your dreams even after you got the job or achieved that goal. Remember, a man that never stops will be able to push through any obstacles.

 (4) But lastly, never stop growing. Please, please do this even if you are lost and still searching. Grow so that you can be able to be of use not only to the people around you but you also believe that you are growing into the man or woman you envision yourself. Grow so that you will leave no regrets behind as you push further in life. There will be obstacles and it will take time but pleas never stop growing.

An Open Letter to The Man I was Suppose to Marry

I have made my mistakes. I have made my woes. I have done all I could and yet I was the one who gave up because I was afraid of being stuck and afraid of losing things. I was
lost, nothing more. And I wanted you to be there with me through it all.

All you ever did was love me. And although, you do have your fair share of mistakes, I admired you for your outlook in life. I admired your kindness and humbleness. I admired your patience and ability to make me laugh at any circumstance. But most of all, I admired you for your heart and your passion.

I know my mistakes but was I wrong to dream? To dream for us and escape a world that I loathe. But never did I erase you from that dream. And then all of the sudden, we spun into a cycle of nonsense and arrogant fights. And then everything else crumbled there.

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People ask me if I still love you. My answer would always be “I can’t imagine a day that I didn’t”. We had our difficult days yet I fought because you were dear to me. Yet I was the one who left you still  because I was afraid of everything. I doubted your love for me and I doubted my own loyalty. We were having difficulties staying in the same path with each other because we both knew what we wanted and the most logical sense was to move on and make a mark on our own. Because a human heart is fickle after all and you can always find a man or woman while pacing to the path you are suppose to walk on.

But God knows how much I wanted to be in the same path as you.

God knows how much I want to hold on and be with you no matter what.

God knows how much I admire you as a man and you are perfect in my eyes.

I still love you, I do. And I know you will always have that hold on me.

But I am scared that we might not grow to reach our full potential and neither of us will be happy in the end.

I wish you were enough for my ambition. I wish we have the same path. I wish we didn’t have to go through this. I wish that ideology of “Love conquers all” applies to us.

But I guess thats what you are all going to be right now.

A wish.

Defense for Men: An Unpopular Opinion for Men’s Standards Today

“Whatever happened to chivalry?”

“What ever happened to good guys and gentlemen in this world?”

“Is your boyfriend loyal?”

“Wow, all men can really be shallow, aren’t they?”

Seeing and hearing all these types of questions when it comes to men, sometimes I realize some women have too much standards to uphold. I mean, yes, at our generation today many are succumbed to temptation and lust but sometimes don’t we realize that maybe it’s our fault? I mean maybe most of you guys didn’t realize but women nowadays dress as if they were hookers while they are hanging out with their girlfriends and maybe its just very short shorts sometimes but skin is skin, The more we show, the more imprudence we invite to our world.

But before you say anything else, I honestly believe in women empowerment and being comfortable in your own skin. Heck, I always had skin asthma and allergies were a norm to me yet I show some skin here and there. And I believe that feminism is great belief to uphold for EQUALITY of both men and women. But the standards we put up on perfect men and relationships are way too high.

And I know so many of you will disagree with past experiences or just plain different point of views, I still want to give a point of defense to men:

  1. Not all men are jerks and perverts

I get that sometimes they really are at fault here and their weird instinct just destroys it all, but not all men are like that. I’ve seen most of my guy friends who are decent enough just to take a girl home after a night out with no strings attached. Heck, they are even just friends up until now and no extra feelings involved whatsoever. Just good ol’ friendship between them. And ladies, if you really know them, sometimes you can really see that they are genuine.

      2. Respect? Be the cause of it

If you were really a decent girl of any sort, you wouldn’t want to dress up like some hooker at the back of the club. At least dress the way your man (or any man who loves/cares enough for you, in that matter) wants you to dress up or be the judge of whatever makes you comfortable, you are your own woman after all! Just try not to be too flashy. I know that sometimes the media and society today can over-sexualize woman’s standards today but honey, BE YOUR OWN WOMAN. Just because crop tops and short shorts are in, doesn’t mean you have to follow a trend.

Not only that, but maybe have a bit more of respect for yourself. You may have experienced being left by one guy or you still haven’t found the guy you were looking for,but i Continue reading “Defense for Men: An Unpopular Opinion for Men’s Standards Today”