My Last Message

I miss you
But I know you dont
I want to kiss you
But I know you wont
Now estranged by the sight

I sat below the moon
All I could think was you
How you make me swoon
In everything that you do
I am blinded in your love

Several nights have passed
More tears have been shed
Hearts have been crushed
Breathless nights on our bed
Memories as we call them

And now in different paths
I only wish unending happiness
But does it cross your mind
Of what once was an us
Below these shining stars

Why can’t you leave once its broken?

Sadly, I have been asked the question a hundred dozen times already. And for most of you that’s experiencing this, I understand perfectly.

Especially if this relationship has lasted for so long and you have invested a lot on this, it makes the situation worse. But we ask ourselves, over and over again, why do we stay? Why do we stay even though we deserve so much better than this? Why do we constantly put ourselves in a situation where we hurt ourselves even more? Why can’t I just give up since we are beyond repair?

  1. We don’t have the control to love and unlove a person. It just happens out of nowhere. And despite how much we know how wrong it already is or how toxic the relationship is, we push through it because we love that person. We turn a blind eye on every ugly truth about the person. And we both know that this hard to resist especially if you fell for the most amazing person in the world.
  2. Being alone scares us. Despite having to know that its possible for us to find someone again, we don’t know the accuracy of this. We will ponder when the day will come again when we find someone special. That special someone that makes everything better again and gets you instantly. That special someone to hold  so dear again and also have the same loving eyes we give them.
  3.  The unknown scares us. When you have invested in a relationship for so long, there will be times where we feel as if he/she is the only person you need. You get sucked up in this life with this partner that after moving on, we don’t know what to do. The unsettling feeling of not knowing what to do next is horrible because we already envisioned having a life with this person and now that he/she is gone, what now?
  4. We hope that we can still fix it. We have those weak moments and we still obviously still adore them. We don’t want to end it there so you wont accept it. You try to do your best and resolve the issue and hope that he cooperates.
  5. We don’t want to be in the process of moving on. It sucks. Its going to suck because we will have hours and hours of wallowing into our sorrows and eat tons of junk food to heal our wounds. But we all know how to move on and the only cure is time. Time heals all wounds but the process of being in pain is dreadful.

But despite having said that, its only going to get worse. Once you realized that you and your partner are already broken and unfixable, it will inevitably happen. The pain and anguish will creep up to you and evolve into emptiness. And you will probably be happy for a little while but you will cry and still be unhappy no matter how much you love him/her.

But the worst thing that you can do to yourself is prolong the pain and emptiness from this broken relationship. It’s being stuck and not being able to move forward. And although you may find a bit more happiness being with that partner, you are just lying to yourself that you will be able to move forward. It’s beyond repair and you know it.

There is strength in walking away. There is strength in saying its over. We should not be afraid of moving forward because its the only thing that’s going to help us. And we definitely should not be afraid of accepting that its meant to be.

 

Earthquake

To the man that I love and hate, you are truly amazing.

 

I could give a thousand reasons why
That those sun eyes like yours can lie
But no soul, nor living can attest
To bridge a bond with a mess
That was foregone in this lilac skies
That I will breathe your every word
Grabbed by vines of your heavenly sighs

But we were walking in broken shattered glass
And stones fell into our chest in such a mass
No heavier burden can engulf a loving soul
To know of such deceit that could take a tole
We were an earthqake on top of our insanity
In break of a water filled clarity

I was a hurricane, no longer existing
Until you thrilled a deeper side, illuminating
Breathing me in your touch of angelic grace
I was stuck in this colourful maze
I screamed in awe, pushing in a storm
We were an earthquake in this firestorm

We sat alone, opposite sides of the rain
Every drop traced our face in vain
I am shook back and forth and the hale
It broke our bones facing this trail
We are one stone breaking and clashing
But no use in crying near a sun shining.

Craft

So the boy with dimpled cheeks and smiling eyes have now set its goal and readies himself. This plumpish boy determined eyes walked near a golden-haired whose beauty is awed by all. Everyone saw his movement and knew immediately.

“Poor boy, there is no chance.” whispered one

But staring eyes did not stop him and he continued on. Everyone knew no trick will work, a lot has tried but no one has succeeded. But he did anyway and maneuvered near the girl presenting a close fist.

Curious the girl asked. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a crayon.” showed the boy, he then asked. “Would you like to color with me?”

The girl smiled. “Sure, lets do it together.”

The boy painted with vigorous colors using his jumbo crayons. He painted with delight and the girl tinged with excitement with the boy. Strange how two colors bond and create something new. And the pleasure and satisfaction is completed with a creation of a craft. Leaving nothing more unsaid.

I Hate You For Making Me Write This

To the guy I love the most

 

And though I dunno how to start

And though its awkward for me

I thought it might be a good part

To hear my voice and heart

 

I never knew, or will I predict

Being in love with a man so thick

And though I am laughing and teasing

Please don’t hate, I’m just messing

 

I love you to bits and pieces

Know that because of this poem

Even though I despise to be cheesy

Just know you are my home

 

I hate it whenever I cry for you

I hate it whenever I go nuts for you

I hate that you make me clingy

Just know I’ll hate it more if I lost you

 

I don’t understand how you do it

How you make my heart so lit

With your smile and laugh

Even though I act so tough

 

I dunno what makes me more crazy

This poem that is incredibly sappy

Or all the words I used, totally crappy

Or maybe knowing how to end this

 

Because how can you end it?

When he deserves more than words

More than all the love rolled in a kit

Cause he’s wonderful, truly no words

 

We may end up in an eternity of bliss

Or fall down in the scariest abyss

Know that I will always love you

And I will probably end with a kiss

Ferris Wheel

It was a day like no other

Beneath the lights

And we dont bother

It was perfect

At the night’s realm

Unbreached of far beyond

But in your I eyes I sought

The warmth and comfort

How do you do that?

A calmness in my soul

A beating in my chest

In here, I have to confess

And as the pendulum circles

Leveling to the highest

And leveling the lowest

Our hands clasped

The night was glowing

But so are we

Two hands of each met

And so does our breath

The mark of love

Not further than what I rue

At evening nights due

Our lips were entwined

I gleam with a smile

And your eyes says it all

Our hearts begin to fall

Deeper and deeper

But the wheel continues

It ticks and circles for everyone

Though it maybe an enjoyment

That is for only one someone

This wheel now creaks

It turns ever so slowly

Before, turns very proudly

Now ending, confined

I sit at the top

It came to a stop

Breaking a hearts memory

From the breakable bond

Fictionless Reality

Pages foretold a merry life

Sweeping the air with its breath

Of princess and princes that foregone

A mountain’s tale of undoing

 

Flip through the colorful pages

That seek most of you dreams

That spark fictionless reality

That people dare call insanity

 

What dreams have you bewitched?

What dreams have you insisted?

A matter in life of prosecution

Of a ruthless core in no anticipation

 

You walk the sheets and blocks of grey

In a defining stone to beat the rest

In a colorless world of no beating chest

You have sworn your life into

 

Swayed and pulled, you push through

These suffocating walls breach your head

Deep breaths & hollowed faces that bled

Underneath your eyes of liquor and gold

 

Undress & bear the colors hue

Of a true nature and you

How you insisted on what life to be

In this fictionless reality

I Woke Up yet I am Dead

Though it seems like days and years before I woke up on a morning slumber. It feels like an eternity that one step can lead you to nowhere. Nowhere but the busiest streets, the bustling city, the numerous flashing automobiles that past and the endless chatter and pit pat of a man cruising through the night as they go home for work, party at their friends house, go to the club, take care of their children and do restless things with other people.

I woke up yet and yet I feel the fall. I woke up yet I saw empty eyes lurking for some change. I woke up yet there is a bask of empty expressions. I woke up yet I am dead.

Following this maze of a path that seems so unclear. I feel as though no lightning can hurt me nor the strike of a billion knives that rain on my parade. I feel as though hurricane can’t stop me now for every step I take. For why can I?

I am awake yet I am dead.

I threw myself up in this bustling city to get up and see that a normal day can blink into a useless day. It seems as though my wanderlust have forsaken me and my entire conclusion of this life has ended. I can no longer see. I can no longer feel. I can no longer hold what was…

Well..

What once was mine.

I woke up yet I am dead because there is no more you.

No more you to bring colors and hit me with your playful antics. No more precious antics. No more precious moments that felt like a billion years ago because it felt like my soul left with you. No more teasing and annoying outbursts that seems to spin off at our living room. No more God – given smile to wake me up in the morning as if the world wanted to embrace you with the most beautiful sunshine.

No more.

You are merely a dust in the wind and the soil to the ground now. How we wander through our lives like a glorious symphony was absolutely amazing. And how we stage our lives was like a beautiful movie with our first and last kiss as a symbol of our lives. It was never any less than perfect. And you were any less than perfect.

Bound

I felt no burden to disembark
I felt no fear to journey on
And I felt no weary when I saw
A sight as lovely to see that is you

I only felt what many believed untrue
When you said those words, I knew
A pitter-patter of small toes
Will eventually come so close

I am no angel nor the divine light
I am no magnificent sight
But to you, I am a reigning goddess
And I am the moon and stars

Yet I am no leader and preacher
I have no influence of to the others
Yet you are the disciple I love
No stronger than the mass of the above

Yet still I am not a creator of unknown
Manifesting great knowledge and pursuit
But to you, I am an Einstein
Creating beings that will share our timeline

In this journey of flowers, I step unto
Scattered colours as our lives may be
I grew closer and joyful
To a familiar sight that is peaceful

I am bound forevermore in truth
I have no glory than a mere life
Of a not so estranged mother
That fell in love with a father

 

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